Friday, May 8, 2009

Office Politics in the Communal Fridge


Someone is stealing my milk. I buy a 99 cent carton of milk once a week for my coffee so I don't have to use the ground up corn crap that is artificial cream. And this week my milk has gone down a lot faster than it should. Yesterday I left just enough in there for one good cup of coffee, and this morning there was maybe 1/4th of that amount. A drip. And the carton was overturned and buried 2 layers back in the fridge.

Now, I like the fact that nothing in the communal office fridge is labeled. It promotes a friendly and trusting environment and contributes to a feeling of good will toward men (at least in my mind). Even with no labels, it’s not rocket science to avoid taking others’ food: If you didn’t bring it, don’t take it. And unless you’ve been hit hard on the head, remembering what is yours is not difficult.

If I just wanted the action to stop, I might just mark my next carton with “Please don’t steal my milk” or some similar polite epistle to the perp.
But I want revenge. And for revenge, I will need a decoy carton of milk laced with something very unpleasant that will absolutely ruin the perp’s coffee.

My top four options thus far:
White vinegar
Ground habanero peppers (not sure if the milk will deactivate the spice)
Milk of Magnesia (a laxative-maybe too harsh a punishment)
Buttermilk

Please leave any suggestions in the Comment Section.
Sigh. The truth is that I'm too much of a frugal Virgo to ruin a perfectly good carton of milk. Even for revenge. I guess it's back to the note idea.

3 comments:

Val said...

I think you should leave a box of something really fattening, and switch to cream. The culprit will soon be looking pudgy :P OR you could see who stocks the fridge and ask to be reimbursed for stocking the fridge with milk for those who prefer it to creamer. BE NICE.

LV said...

No one "stocks" the fridge Mom. Everything in there is owned by individuals for individual use. I'm leaning towards labeling, as much as I hate to be 'one of those people.' I really don't like labelers. :|

You know I'm all about being nice, but I refuse to be victimized by a milk bandit. That is decidedly not nice.

Dogma said...

Hey - how about adding green food coloring to the milk! Or perhaps replacing it with .... cottage cheese. Harmless but would look like curdled milk.